Doubt. I don’t think I knew what doubt was in my early years. Who doubts as a baby? Who doubts as a toddler or even a young child? I learned doubt when I first had to prove myself. Probably by taking a test in school, or completing a particularly tough assignment. Or maybe it was babysitting that child who wouldn’t stop crying.
Up until then, I was fairly certain of myself and my abilities.
However, fast forward a few years and getting married at 18. I had just a moment of doubt when I received a phone call right before the ceremony from someone close to me asking me if I was sure. Well, up until that point, I had been! lol
I did go through with the ceremony and never looked back. For me, youth was confidence. I was not a person given to much reflection or doubting. I had my faith which at that point of my life had never been doubted, I had my marriage and my children, which I was sure of.
I think my moments of doubt have come the most in recent years. Wondering if I should have done things differently. Should I have chosen college instead of marriage? Should I have waited to have children until I was older, more patient, wiser? Should I have chosen different jobs?
So many doubts so much of the time.
I have learned to deal with doubt. And I am regaining my confidence and my surety.
Using things I know I don’t doubt.
I don’t doubt I am a child of God.
I don’t doubt my husband and children love me and I’m so very glad to be part of their lives.
I don’t doubt that any career would have eventually taken second place to my family because that is and will always be where my heart is.
I don’t doubt that it’s a good thing I did have my children when I was younger as since I’ve aged, I’ve had some health issues that would have made it extremely difficult to have physically kept up with an active family and I have to say my patience level has actually lessened, instead of growing with age. I’m laughing now, thinking about it.
I don’t doubt that I married the right man. He is the man my Father chose for me and I’m certain of it.
So all those other doubts. They’ll still crop up once in a while, but the main thing is I can deal with them because of the One I don’t doubt and His presence in my life.
I am where I am supposed to be.